I really don't expect anybody to read it...but it's there for the reading...or skimming...for any that are really that interested. :-P
Chloe’s due date was Tuesday the 29th of December. About a week before her due date, December 22nd (my birthday), I started thinking, “Any day now…any day now.” I hoped for a birthday present and thought it would be fun to give her my birthday. On that day I felt like I was a contestant on wheel of fortune and there was a million dollar slot….or rather a “give birth today slot” and that I was helplessly watching the wheel spin much too quickly towards that slot until I was sure it would pass it by completely. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were much too busy with Christmas to worry/wonder about labor. And truthfully, I was thankful to make it through those days without giving birth. It seemed simpler at that point to wait until after the mad holiday rush and we had a nice Christmas. Once Saturday rolled around, however, I was feeling very ready to have her and back to feeling like a game show contestant.
My grandma Grace’s birthday is on December 28th. This year she was turning 90 so we had a big ol’ shindig in her honor on Sunday the 27th. She really wanted me to be there, I told her I’d do what I could but wasn’t making any promises. The time rolled around and I felt no indication of labor so we grabbed our food assignments and headed to her party. There were way too many tempting things to eat; I made some attempt at resisting, but ate several things I shouldn’t have.
My indulgences caught up with me that night in the form of “painful waves of indigestion.” The “indigestion” was still with me the next morning (December 28th), much to my dismay. I’d never had indigestion last so long but I figured it was due to the cramped situation of my intestines. We decided to go to the mall and walk it off, and hoped that the walking might inspire some “other pains” to start. We spent several hours at the mall, including several times up and down the stairs (taking them 2 at a time on the way up—which I’d heard was helpful).
Melissa, my brother Adam’s wife, was admitted to the hospital that morning. She had 3 weeks left in her pregnancy but was having some complications and needed to be induced. We got updates throughout the day. She finally delivered around 2 am the next day (the 29th). I was praying for them and thinking of them all day…I was so relieved when they finally let me know that mom and baby were both ok!!! Their little boy was 6 lbs 9 oz but very healthy!!
That morning, when I received their good news, I had the feeling that Chloe needed a few more days to “cook”. I was ok with this. I wanted to try and get more rested before giving birth, and I wanted to get a few more things done. I thought it was ironic tho that little Ryker (Adam and Melissa’s baby) was born on Chloe’s due date and that (I thought) Chloe wanted more time before “gracing” us with her presence. :P
The “indigestion pains” continued into the night and were waking me up very “regularly”. By the next morning (December 29th) I was so tired of feeling bloated that I sent Rob for some homeopathic “Gas-X”. After Rob returned I took a quick shower and we headed to my weekly appointment with Gretchen (our mid-wife). Rob and his mom, Paula, both suggested to me that maybe I was in labor. I told them that I was absolutely sure it wasn’t labor because everyone told me I’d know when it was labor. I was sure it wasn’t for a few reasons:
1. I’d heard/read that labor pains encompass the entire uterus and mine were very low, below my belly, where I imagined my intestines to be squished to.
2. The pains were less/relieved when I passed gas.
Before we left Rob asked me if he should bring our hospital bags, I told him sure and the thought crossed my mind that maybe we should grab the things I couldn’t pack (birth-ball, our beloved pillows that we can’t do without, toiletries, filtered water and snacks) but I quickly dismissed that thought because I was so sure that it wasn’t going to happen today. I’d decided that Chloe needed more time to "cook" and I was just going to have to be patient.
On the way to my appointment with the mid-wife Rob suggested that I listen to the hypno-birthing (self-hypnosis) tracks on my ipod since, theoretically, it’s for dealing with any sort of pain, not just labor. I was able to get very calm and nearly pain-free during our hour-long drive to the midwife. (It’s usually half an hour to LDS hospital/Gretchen’s office but it was a very snowy day and the roads were semi-treacherous.)
At our appointment, we told Gretchen what was happening and asked for her recommendations on what to do for it. She suggested that it may be labor. I was doubtful. She did an exam and proclaimed me to be 7 cm dilated and in active labor. She told me that I wasn’t going home today, but rather straight over to be admitted to the hospital. I was taken off-guard and felt a bit flustered. Nothing was happening how I expected it to happen. Rob and I both anticipated a certain scenario of events:
· being awakened in the middle of the night as my labor started (why we both thought the middle of the night? Who knows?? J)
· counting the time between contractions and tracking them
· seeking distractions as we waited for time to pass until the contractions were 3 minutes apart and lasting 60 seconds for at least an hour (or whatever the guideline is)
· trying to decide if we really should go at that point or wait a little longer just to be sure we didn’t go too soon
· trying to be calm as we drove to the hospital so that I didn’t hinder the progress of my labor
Gretchen told me that she would meet us at the hospital and break my water after we got checked in. I asked her not to because it freaked me out, it seemed the first step in the road of interventions to me and I was bound and determined not to be pushed into that path. She assured me it was fine and actually necessary. Looking back, I’m not sure it was….at least not quite as urgent as she made it sound.
We went and checked in around 12:45 p.m., they hooked me up to the doplar thing (straps around my tummy that measure the baby’s heart rate and the strength and length of my contractions) and said if everything was normal/fine I only had to be strapped to those for 20 minutes out of every hour. They also talked me into a saline lock “just in case”. I’m not sure I’d consent to that next time either because it was a pain the entire time, besides the fact that she messed up on it and left me with several pokes and resulting bruises.
While I was being poked, prodded, strapped and checked, Rob sent out text messages about our status and asked my sister April to come (she was our designated videographer/photographer) and bring the things that I’d decided not to remind Rob to grab before our appointment.
Everything looked fine on the monitors so Gretchen came in and broke my water. Before she broke it she said that it was bulging through the cervix and afterward proclaimed the water to be clear/slightly pink as it should be. They got out the yucky mesh undies and the big hospital pads, I politely declined and Rob got me out a pair of “Depends”. I was SO grateful for that little tip!!! Thanks Serin and Peggy!!! Every time I tried to stand up to put them on though, the water just kept gushing and gushing and I didn’t want it to go all over the floor and me and everything else. I was finally able to get up without water gushing everywhere. I put on the “Depends” and we decided to go walk the halls. As we walked we tried to time the contractions, except I couldn’t really tell when they were starting and ending. The only thing I knew was when they were peaking, which I realized was the “waves of indigestion” that I thought I was having.
We returned to the hospital room to take a drink and stealthily eat some crackers while we were waiting for April to arrive with our other snacks. April got there and we chatted for a while about how unexpected the whole thing was turning out to be and then we sent her to Jason’s Deli for lunch for Rob and herself (Rob hadn’t eaten anything besides the few crackers I’d had stashed in my car).
They hooked me up to their beloved machines again but the contraction monitor wasn’t working very well so they couldn’t really tell when I was having contractions or how strong/long they were. I started to feel the contractions a little more strongly and so when they let me off the telemetry monitors Rob drew me a bath. Rob poured water over my shoulders while I was in the tub, it was very relaxing. I got out of the bathtub about the time April was coming back with Rob’s lunch. I sat on the ball and did some clockwise rotations. They soon stuck me back on the monitors for another 20 minutes and checked my cervix.
At the end of this twenty minutes Gretchen and the RN that was monitoring me came in announced that I had a choice to make. They said that I’d been there laboring for 4 hours and my cervix had not changed at all. In addition to that, they said that my contractions were irregular. Gretchen was afraid I was having an arrest of labor. She told me that I had 2 choices. We could try pitocin to see if that could inspire my labor to progress. She said our other choice was a uterine catheter which would give a clearer measure of how strong/regular my contractions really were. I asked her what the next step would be after we’d tried these two things. She told me arrest of labor requires a cesarean; she believed that was what I’d end up needing. I felt trapped, and put on the spot. They stood there waiting for me to make a choice. Out of everything she’d told me, I could only focus on the word “cesarean”. I was terrified that they were going to push me into one when it wasn’t really necessary. I asked them if we could at least have a little while to think about it/discuss it. They acted like it was a major ordeal to give us time to think about it. Gretchen told me that she was going to leave a note on my chart that we had 30 minutes and that she would be back after that time to see what we’d decided.
After Gretchen and the RN left, I asked Rob if he would give me a blessing to help my labor progress on it’s own without any of these interventions. He did. I can’t really remember anything he said but during the blessing I got a very strong contraction, much stronger than any I’d had so far! It was like I’d had a dose of Pitocin! The contractions continued after that to be much stronger and very regular. When Gretchen came back with the RN they found that my labor was progressing again and we were able to avoid any interventions. The next time she checked my cervix I was dilated to 8 cm. But I was completely effaced.
I continued to labor for another few hours and the contractions continued in strength during which Gretchen asked me if I had any urges to push…I didn’t really. She approached me once again and informed me that my cervix had stopped dilating again. She told me that she was afraid the baby was going to be too big to be born vaginally and that I’d need a cesarean!! For the second time within a few hours she was mentioning c-section and for two different reasons. I asked her if she’d give us a little longer to try on our own to get my cervix to finish dilating. She reluctantly agreed but didn't seem to think there was any hope.
As soon as she left the room we called Claire Stanley (around 9 pm).
(Claire is a Doula, a Certified Nurse Midwife, and a birth-class instructor. My cousin Isabelle had referred us to Claire when I asked her about a good birthing class. We took Claire’s Fall Intensive Baby Comes Out class. It was amazing! We’d recommend it to ANYONE! We’d take it twice next time, once half-way through the pregnancy and again at the end, just to be able to absorb it all and keep it fresh in our minds!!! In fact, Rob has decided that next time we find out that I’m pregnant, the very first thing we’re going to do is call Claire and ask her to be our Doula!!! She would have been invaluable to us this time, but alas, she was booked by the time we asked her.) :-/
Rob left a message on her machine explaining to her our dilemma and asking for her advice. She called back about 15 minutes later with 3 techniques that would help get my cervix to finish dilating. She said to do rotations on the birthing ball, active pelvic rock, a standing position (that I can’t really remember). I decided to try the birthing ball first. I sat on it through several contractions trying to use the ball to encourage my cervix to finish spreading. I also knelt on the bed and did some semi-pelvic rocking.
Something worked because by the time Gretchen came back my cervix was finished dilating and the urge to push came soon after that.
Around ten pm I went into transition. After several hard contractions I felt my stamina waning. My legs and whole body started to shake and I threw up in the trash can. I started to doubt my ability to make it through. I knew I couldn’t go back, but I didn’t see how I could go forward either, I again felt trapped, but this time by my own body. Rob was so supportive and encouraging to me though. I couldn’t have done it without him. He stuck right with me every moment and talked me through my doubts and my contractions. He helped me to visualize myself in my “peaceful place”; he expressed his love for me and his confidence in me that I could make it through.
While I was pushing, and her head had started to crown, they asked me if I wanted to feel her head. I reached down and felt her head but I was too distracted to relish the moment or think much about it. :-P
I pushed for about 2 hours, give or take…I’m not exactly sure because I lost all conception of time once my contractions began to consume my attention. However, I did look up at the clock and realized that it was still the 29th of December and that the end was near (because the pushing had started). The pushing was so long and so hard (Rob and Gretchen kept saying, “just one more push…this is it…just one more push” but they kept on saying that…and I just kept pushing and pushing….they didn’t realize her head was so big) that I still could not see an end and did not see how I could finish. But then when it occurred to me that Chloe could be born on her due date and also that she could be born the same day as her cousin (those things just seemed exciting to me) I got new motivation and determination and put my all into it and was finally able to have her at 11:50 p.m.
Gretchen had called for the newborn birthing team when the pushing started because she expected the end to be near. They stayed for a while and I was keenly aware of their presence… I was embarrassed that these complete strangers were there watching and chatting and joking during this very personal time. Gretchen sent them away after a while because they were waiting so long (for their sake rather than ours) and called them back at the end.
In the birth plan we had asked them to:
· give Chloe to me immediately— which they did
· wait till the cord stopped pulsing—which they kind of did…they waited for a bit but then went ahead and cut it, I tried to protest but they didn’t seem to heed anything I said at that point
· not take her from me for any reason (unless there was some unforeseen emergency)—they kept making excuses…she’s going to get cold, we need to wipe her off…since she’s not nursing can we just weigh and measure her….etc….etc.
When I first saw Chloe, I noticed that she was very red and that she had dark, dark hair. And I also thought she was very big and very darling…that’s about all I noticed. Besides that I just laid there holding her and shaking and feeling incredulous that it was over!!
My placenta came out quite quickly, without pain or problem. They said it was quite large also. I asked to see it, but they never showed it to me. :-/
Gretchen told me I had a 4th degree tear. She said that a surgeon would have to come sew me up and that she needed to hook up an IV to my saline lock because she needed to give me antibiotics so my tear wouldn’t get infected. I wanted to protest, to see if there were any other options, but I didn’t feel that I had a choice. (On a positive note, I did ask her not to do an episiotomy, at least not without my consent, and she didn't do one. She said it would have been worse than the tear!!)
The surgeon came and started sewing up my tear. They said it went all the way down to my anus. I seemed to take FOREVER!! They gave me some topical anesthesia but it still hurt and seemed almost as interminable as the pushing. :-/ There was also a small tear in the birth canal that Gretchen sewed up after the surgeon finished the more intricate job.
When they were finally done and had cleaned everything up they left us to recover and enjoy our new little baby. I tried to nurse her several times, and finally got her to latch on and nurse for a little while. And Rob, April, my mom and I sat there discussing the experience, and the things we were thankful for as well as the things we would have changed about the whole experience (the things we could’ve changed anyway…like finding a provider that really would be supportive and hiring Claire as our doula etc). My mom went and got my dad who’d been in the waiting room for the past several hours. Rob wrapped Chloe in a blanket, held her for a bit then gave my mom and April a chance to hold her and get pictures with her too. I think it was around 2 am when my parents headed for home. (It had been a long day for them since they were at the hospital with Adam and Melissa for most of the night before and had not gotten a chance to catch up on their sleep much in the mean time.) April left shortly after my parents.
Rob and I packed up all of our stuff and waited for the nurse to bring in a wheel chair and take us to our room. I walked around the room a bit while we were waiting but my legs were a bit shaky. I think it was around 5 am when we finally got to try and get some sleep because the nurses felt it was of utmost importance to go over all the paperwork with us, take vitals every hour, give Chloe her bath, etc….all in the middle of the night. Rob and I were also starving so we shared the lovely turkey sandwich and chips they had left in our room before hitting the sack. We had Chloe rooming in with us, so that interrupted our sleep a bit too, but it was worth it!!! She was just too fun to look at and hold…she still is (almost a month later)!!
The next day, (Dec 30), between naps, nurses, showers and meals, Rob and I discussed names. We looked at all the names we’d been considering and vetoed all of the ones that didn’t seem to fit, which was most of them. Then we came up with a whole bunch of new names but in the end we felt that Chloe fit her best. It was scary for me to take the plunge and commit to a name but we quickly filled out the paperwork and sent out the news via text messages so that I wouldn’t start second guessing and have to start all over…I still second guessed. :-P
Rob’s parents came to visit in the afternoon, before we’d finally decided on a name. They brought Rob’s glasses and contact stuff so that he could finally take out his contacts…he was SO grateful!!! Monica and Cassidy came to visit later that night, it was fun to sit and visit with them while Monica held little Chloe….they were the first to see her when she actually had a name.
On Thursday, December 31, the on-call hospital pediatrician returned to check her again (he’d come to see her and talk with us the day before) he told us they were going to do a full-body x-ray scan to try and determine if she has OI (brittle bones). Rob went down there to stay with her while they did the x-rays while I stayed in the room and took a shower. They were gone almost 2 hours!! Rob was able to go in and be with her during some of the tests, but most of the time he had to wait outside the room. He told me that she put up a pretty good fight...that's my girl. :-P
Gretchen told me I could go home that day if I wanted to, but I had to wait for her to come “release” me. She sent over Sandae, one of her associates around noon. Rob and Chloe returned from radiology shortly after that. The scan reported everything as looking very normal!! (This was encouraging because I had undeveloped hips and a bent femur (green-stick break) when I was born.) Although we were free to go, I wanted to stick around to talk with the lactation consultant before we left because I’d missed her class earlier (it started just as Rob and Chloe returned from Radiology and Chloe was starving!!!!) I’m so glad we waited around for a chance to talk to her because she helped us so much!
After Chloe and I practiced for a while and we got some lunch from room service, Rob and I decided to head out. He went to get the car but called me a few minutes later to tell me that it wouldn’t start. Then I got another call just after that from an unknown number. It was Rob using the security guard’s phone…he called to tell me his phone had just died as well. The security guards jumped the car for him and he got his phone plugged in. He called me when he was finally in front of the hospital but he was afraid to turn off the car so he stayed down there while the nurse walked Chloe and I down to meet him. We finally left the hospital around 4:30 p.m.
The end....well, really....The Beginning. ;)
